meh i really don't know what to think anymore. i feel like everything i do.. or don't do makes everyone feel bad. geeze.. i dunno. maybe it's just me feeling bad for myself. goll i hate that. i just.. don't want to do anything that'll make anyone upset.. but it seems like everything i do will. booo

so i did something crazy.. pretty much the most random thing of my life. my good 'ol german teacher sets up a trip to germany every other year.. & since my dads known her & her family for years.. hes always intouch. but anyways.. long story short he talked to her about the how they're going next summer & i signed up. so uh.. i guess i'm going to germany. hah & it's something i actually have to follow through with.. mostly cuz i payed a nonrefundable sign up fee. i guess i'll actually use my german skills in life.. who'd have thought?

i really gotta get started on those new blogs that i promised.. but it's been kinda hard concidering my compy neverrr works. it's working now though! kinda.. most things work. which is... okay.. except i've lost everything once again. *sigh* I really hate this thing. u know what else i hate? chumsy! thats right, i said it. i refuse to be called chumsy.. it just sounds disgusting.. like the guy in ur group of friends everyone makes fun of. & when he complains everyones just like 'aw c'mon! ur our chumsy.. bea chum' dang u griffin. i'll get u someday. hehe

supposivly i'm going to utah next week.. but it's look pretty iffy. gah i know.. bboooo. evil shopko has little things call 'blackout months' so vacation is out of the question i guess. i dunno.. i'm gonna call my manager & see what i can do about it. but bleh... if i can't go.. i'm pretty sure i'll just drop shopko. i don't need them as much as they need me.

anyways.. wanna secret? check out the little dirtywords

today was.. i dunno. it was fun.. but at the same time i was sooo uncomfortable & nervous. like the entire day. lol my friend asked me to come hang out with him.. so i did. & i went so this guys house i hardly know & hung around with a bunch of guys i don't really know. & yeah.. the whole time i was just like 'meh.. i'm the only girl with a buncha guys i dont know.. & i'm just sitting here..' & the guys mom was crazy! seriously. i thought she was gonna kill her son or something. or me.. i dunno. so i'm stuck with this nervous feeling thats giving me a headache. it mostly sucks.

but, there was this really cool thunderstorm. we just sat on the portch & watched this awesome lightning. it was amazing.. cept i accidently left my sun roof open & the hail might have dented my car. oh well, no worries.

meh
i'm sick.. not like i don't feel good.. like i'm love sick. ha i'm excited, but scared. like this could somehow change the rest of my life or something.. it's pretty deep thinking. ah august is so close, but too far away. yeah i'm not sure if this makes much sense.. but it's all i've got to think about lately.

bleh. i'm sure i saw the worst movie ever last night.. it's sad really. i'm too ashamed that i actually saw it to say which one... but.. i'll leave it up to ur imagination. i really want those two hours of my life back..

hah speaking of getting my life back, turns out i'm dead. yeah, i died. i tried to open a new band account yesterday & when they asked for my SSN it said 'invalid SSN- report of death' or something like that. so i guess i died.. i missed that one. they fixed 'er all up though. i think.. i might be alive again now..

started the filming of our crappy 'emo kid documentary' ha pretty much just making fun of them.. but it isn't that far along, so i don't really want to bother with that much now

today i have the proof of my one moment of completely confidence.. dun dun dunn yeah well kinda.. i have the pics from it. it's actually me going for something- singing at the pops concert. exciting..

my blurry solo ^

first off, check the new style~ compliments of the one & only fatal fame.

graduations sunday.. crazy huh? so it's pretty much summer & yeah.. schools over. i'm amazed. so now i can just move on down to utah & live happily ever after. i'm pretty sure life would be complete. lol i wish.. maybe someday soon.

meh.. i don't really have a ton to say.. cept i feel like i huge geek that i saw star wars opening day. but i didn't stand in line for hours or dress up ridiculously or anything of that sort! i let someone else do that :P that movie was just.. freakin crazy. thats about all i can say about it.

2 straight days of rain turned to 2 straight days of snow. bleh

i feel like i'm on the outside of everything. i'm not actually involved with what i'm seeing. like i'm watching some boring, regular day movie. i actually caught myself not responding to people yesterday. but when i feel like i'm there, it seems like i've changed so much & now i'm stuck in the middle. i can't go to either side anymore. usually, it seems like i keep my friends together. if we're going to do something, i have to set it up for some reason & make the plans or whatever. but lately, i don't feel like i fit so i'm not exactly doing anything. its actually kinda funny to watch how my friends don't do anything without me starting it.. like tonight for example. i stayed at home & all my friends did likewise. i changed too much from my regular friends.. i haven't changed enough to belong with others though. i dunno. i'm probably just thinking too much..

oo i'm just.. that much cooler since my last blog... because i'm one year older.

i had a pretty good bday. it wasn't too eventful, but i ate some greek food & played pool. oh & stabbed some people. heh but my brother is awesome & was just cool & took me to do anything i wanted. so it was deffinitly good. i took a ton of weird pics.. but they're on my new phone & i don't know how to take the pics off yet.. but i do have one...

well.. there wasnt much that happened today. turns out our group made auditions. lol yess.. & i tried out for my solo today. i thought it went pretty good, but its way hard to make the solo stuff. but oh well. so since thats all that really happened & i got pics back today.. i thought i'd just reminisce.

awhile ago my friends & i decided we were going to make some shirts that glow under black light (not just because it's cool to just do that.. we were going to this 'black light party'). sure, we could just paint them.. but wheres the fun in that? so yeah, deffinitly had to paint the shirts while we were wearing them. yeah, u can imagine how messy thatd be. we got some interesting shirts.. & heyy i was glowing too. & not just because i'm so white.. so uh here it is, the aftermath & an example of interesting ways i spend my time.

this weeks gonna be crazy. i can tell already. my friends moving to peru on wednesday. yeah, peru. who does that? i cannot believe it. it's not real to me yet. I can't even call her cuz.. phones cant call out of peru. i don't even want to think about how expensive that'd be though. & i have all these stupid auditions & an orchestra concert. so i just had a crazy fun weekend with my friends to balance things out. i don't really feel the need to explain these pics.. just weird anyways

i really cannot stand chorus. i used to think it was worth it because it was an easy/fun class & love singing... but now its just beyond annoying. first i had to miss the what could have been wonderful (& probably was) decemberists concert for district music festival. & just now.. i've learned that i'll miss my cousin's wedding & be home all alone on my birthday now because of it too..

 i have another concert coming up on may 9th & 10th. but.. on may 5th i'm suppose to leave for seattle & stay there till late on may 10th. heaven forbid i miss a concert.. that'd be the death of my director. so looks like i'll have to stay here by myself.. missing my cousins wedding on the 6th (my birthday) woo.. i'm so excited.. yeah i'm pretty sure her weddings never gonna happen again.. & i'm pretty sure i don't want to stay alone on an important birthday such as this.. gah

back from seattle. 15 hour bus trip, but ah we did sooo much stuff, its crazy. sang the national anthem at the sonics game, went to the aquarium, space needle, pikes place, the zoo, EMP, science center, even got my fortune told.. kinda. hah. i'm extreeemely tired & need to catch up on all my homework, so heres justa quick pic. but i'll say my fav part was probably the emp (experience music project)  & the biggest waste of time was the museum of flight.. never go there..

 me & zack on the space needle

3 day weekenddd. just gonna take it easy i suppose. prolly catch a movie later. i don't really have much to say, but i do have a few pics. i feel so short.. wearing like 4 inch heals & still wayy shorter than my date.. but yeah here they are, soo enjoy :D

before prom

in the limo.. ooo

hah making the most of the march snow

montana weather.. i swear.. so springs here right? its totally march.. ah no its not. so it'll snow a little for a few days the first of march.. and now! finally now.. its spring right? i wip out my only pair of sandals for once &.. it snows again today. weather never changes.. i swear it'll be winter forever : / boo

u can tell a looot of people from their journals/blogs. if u look at this blog.. i dunno what u can say about me.. maybe that i'm boring. hah but if u look at my journal, u can totally see i'm impatient & hate writing things down. my handwriting is horrible, illegible to anyone but myself. so i guess thats my secret tool for preventing people from reading it.. but anyways. silent people never have anything to write about, loud people blog like every 10 mins. sad people can never say anything possitive and so on. i don't really see where this is going.. so i'll just let u try & figure out urself from ur blog.. as if u didn't already know..

woke up ehh around 2 pm today. seemed like a good time. hah so i'm pretty much home alone for the next week since my fam went to seattle. i dont see how it'll be any different then before, but hey, i can deffinitly get some down time in without interuption. the only problem with them gone is they're probably looking for houses, and i dont really want to move to seattle.

soo prom last night. all i can say is i don't suggest going to a formal with someone u don't know at a school u've never been to. it was fun, but extremely awkward.

but before prom.. the most disgusting thing of my life happened friday night.. i killed a skunk on my way home. yeah, it was just great. my entire car reeks now. so i washed it like billion times yesterday & got like 10 air fresheners. lol i don't think i'll really help.. but in the mean time, i guess i dont neeed to drive anyways.

everyone was worried about me today.. & i havent the slightest idea why. i don't think i look or feel any different, but i guess something is. but then again i guess certain people are always worried about me.. like i'll explode any second or something.. so they have to take extra precaution. who knows. i'm okay, ur okay

so nothing exciting happened today.. i got to teach some middle schoolers how to sing right. hah thats about it. that wasn't too productive though because kids in middle school never listen anyways. but oh well it was an oportunity to.. express talent..er something like that

meh today was just.. bad. well i dunno that it was bad, i just didn't have feeling towards anything at all. it was like i was sitting there, but i wasnt actually there. hmm

good news though~ my cousin is getting married may 6th. soo i get to go to utah for my birthday. i think thats pretty sweet concidering i love utah. nowhere else i'd rather be. so take the good with the bad & keep on living. i guess thats how it goes

everyone had today off. even my friend from another school came to visit me at school. hah so i mean it when saying i'm the only one who didnt have the day off. but think i might of learned something along the way. i did meet a guy name john johnson. who would do that? poor kid.

so the final plans for seattle were set today. i get the opportunity to go to seattle & sing for something. i don't exactly remember what, but its supposed to be really exciting. oh we also sing the national anthem for some basketball game. woo theres something to look forward to next month.

& thats about it.. i dont know what to think anymore. just living my life from day to day like always. i seem to have less worries, but then more similar ones come up. still slipping away from my regular relationships. once it seems like i come back together, i just fall apart again.